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(Sam van der Meer is here to tell you about mushrooms. No, it does not refer to psychedelic mushrooms. We're not here to talk about something that might make you run around midday in a public park, wearing nothing but your underwear, while laughing hysterically, scaring all the innocent families around you. There may or may not be seven cops chasing you too. Who really knows, in this most hypothetical situation?
The important thing to remember here is that these are completely healthy, completely drug-free mushrooms that are just found in video games. There really is nothing illegal here, I swear. – Kevin)
So I was making quiches (as someone who basically eats once a day for dinner, a whole quiche six inches in diameter is something I would personally and entirely devour, prompting these "quiches" for other members of my house.) The other night, which in itself is a bit of a lie. My mom, bless her, makes the crust. I can't cook for a guy. I make the proportions of eggs and cheese and the caramelized onions...
and sauté the mushrooms.
This is literally the impetus for this list that you currently find yourself trapped in. You are once again trapped in my quagmire of absolute nonsense, only you and your itchy trigger finger are to blame. But, also kind of a lie, I recently launched Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Illusive Age – Definitive Edition ("Say My Name") and came across these demons, who got the 'ol noodle thinkin'.
And, you know what happens when we let Sam think.
But really, mushrooms. I like to eat them and I like to watch them. I also love video games, and video games happen to contain a lot of good mushrooms. So, without further ado…
EarthBound's Ramblin Evil Mushroom
I mean, you didn't think I wouldn't mention EarthBound, did you? Especially when we're talking about mushrooms in video games (for some reason; I'm so sorry) and especially when my beloved introduces one of gaming's most iconic fungus monsters. The Ramblin' Evil Mushroom is a jerk, straight ahead. It gasses you, as many of these mushrooms do, and knocks the heck out of your controls.
It's a snap, Mushroom.
I'm not going to make this article an attempt on my part to dissect video game theory – as if I could find one! However, Ramblin' Shroom's inversion of your controls is kind of in line with EarthBound's MO, right? For a game that so often goes beyond the confines of the screen, pushing the player directly and responding to the irony of it all, an enemy that directly affects player control is pretty fourth, I'd say.
Super mushroom from a game
Stick around these parts long enough and you'll start to realize that Nintendo has a thing for mushrooms. Look, it's such a mandatory inclusion that you're bound to find in a list of mushrooms in video games. Mario's iconic choice of sustenance and the eternal draw player of any Mario title, the Super Mushroom is the king of all mushrooms. The Gift of Mushroom.
I think most artists and multinationals would dream of the recognizability of the Super Mushroom, with mushrooms generally associated by many with our favorite Japanese Italian plumber, which is akin to Nintendo.
There's also something remarkably comforting about the Super Mushroom's singular motivation. Entering this world and charging ahead, whether straight into Mario to be grinded and digested, or off a cliff into that final rest. The Super Mushroom doesn't care about things, and in this climate of political deceit and Reese's Pieces placed in Reese's Cups, one can sometimes only move forward with a cheerful apathetic attitude. We should all strive to be a little more Super Mushroom.
Deuxième cousin Kinoko de We ♥ Katamari
The Katamari Damacy games are actually some of the greatest things the medium has given us. They blessed us even more with Kinoko, everyone's favorite second cousin who first appeared in We ♥ Katamari. She's awesome, really. A really dry wit at parties and generally someone who doesn't try to put on a show for public appearances, but not pretentious or anything. She also loves Bowie and makes a great chocolate chip cookie. Kinoko is the kind of first cousin you go to when attending a funeral or other big family event.
Speaking of Katamari, shout out to the planet Space Mushroom in general, the gathering place of the Prince and all of his cousins. They stay there. On a mushroom.
Pax de Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars
Fact: I haven't played either Mushroom Men: The Spore Wars or Mushroom Men: Rise of the Fungi. Also done: I'm reviewing eBay in an effort to add to my backlog to fix this glaring evil.
Did you know Les effin' Claypool made the score for Mushroom Men? How wild!
I digress. (Do I really think so?) Pax is a mushroom protagonist in a series of games that includes the word "mushroom" in its very title. Of course, he is on this list. Look at me! … That's about all I can say trying to flesh out this piece of that failed comedy sketch that is my life. I haven't played the games. Pax could be a jerk.
Cliqueurs de The Last of Us
"That's cheating, Sam, clickers aren't. really the mushrooms, really …" might be something you think. Oh, I'm sorry, did you exclude the horribly mutilated victims of cordyceps? Oh, sorry. Your list on the greatest mushrooms in video games must be so better. Please! Let me learn from your list.
I'm sorry, I'm not really mean, it's just a little.
But, in fact, clickers are some of the best enemies to come in all of seventh generation consoles. This is the first time I've thought of that, but yeah, I'm sticking to the words I just typed. I don't even like The Last of Us. However, I'm looking forward to trying to learn to like it with a cover, "soon". Still, clickers are instantly iconic. They're scary, man. These are the remains of someone overwhelmed by fungus. Don't take drugs, kids!
Puffstools and Pikmin Mushroom from Pikmin
I have a real traumatic past with these guys.
Here I am, a real kid (physically, right now, not just mentally) playing Pikmin. Havin' a ball like we do. A poof arrives on Olimar's path. Alone, without our pikpik-looking companions, we approach. The beanbag blows and swells and releases its spores to no effect. "Cared for!" I tell myself and go about my business.
Back, pikmin in tow, I approach the ottoman. It blows and it eats and good God, they kill me. They kill me. The pouf spores, so obviously filtered by Olimar's costume, induce a catastrophic effect on my fellow accomplices, turning them into "mushroom pikmin". These pikmin, deranged and out of their crazy little minds, turn on Olimar in a PCP-like haze of adrenaline and bloodlust. It's pretty wild.
Bloodborne Celestial Emissary
Is it a mushroom? Is he a him? For our purposes, I'm not going to drill this gorgeous blue stallion into just one sex. Also, for our purposes, the Celestial Emissary is a goshdarn mushroom because I say it is.
I mean, look at him! Look at all those little mushroom guys she sends you! A crowd of little mushroom men and women, just swing and pawin you because they just have to defend their god!
So, I'm not going to lie, it's been about five years since I played and loved Bloodborne. Any semblance of complete look-lore left my brain via the left eardrum, so as always, I'm riffin' here. It's a vague memory, but you know what? She's a great friend of alien mushrooms (except no), and she talks to me.
Also, definitely a cousin of:
Warrior-born
C'est Battleborn.
Every mushroom thing in Hollow Knight
Each.
Last.
A.
Hollow Knight's aesthetic is just the best thing ever - glad we can agree - and all the fungal trash is really ripe for this list. Can I just say "fungal waste is one of the top ten mushrooms in video games?" A bit like Ego? Just a big mass of collectively sentient mushrooms?
Either way, yes, Hollow Knight mushrooms belong. Look at these guys! They will hurt you only because you violate their house. Mushrooms seek out other mushrooms.
Then there's Mister Mushroom, the mumbling-growling macguffin of Hollow Knight's multiple endings. Hollow Knight is too good. It's too powerful.
Alright, that's it. Sorry to waste your time.
(*I started writing this before the world started going absolutely crazy, so if this says or doesn't say much about how totally insignificant a post is, I'm glad it helped or not !)
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